Thursday, July 21, 2005

randoM musingS

One of my stories got published in Malayala Manorama – Campus Line. Malayala Manorama is Kerala’s leading daily and Campus Line is its supplement. The name of the story is Summer Rain. Here is the link.

Summer Rain, was also one of my starting posts in this blog. Those who haven’t read it can have a look at it in my blog as well. It is here.

I had taken a course called Careers Roles and Identities (CRI) in my fourth term. It is an interesting course, which analyzes human behavior, interpersonal relationships and stuff like that. The course is evaluated on the basis of a biography and an autobiography which we have to submit. This was the main inspiration for me to take this course. I haven’t got a person yet, on whom I can write the biography. If he/she permits, I shall put it in my blog. Would it be a nice idea?

I had interviewed a few of my juniors for a club I was in. It is good to be on the questioning-side of an interview, which I know I will be doing once I get out from this place, but when it comes to selecting one or two from such a big list, it is an excruciating decision. How do I select one from an equally efficient set? Am I making the right choice? What will the ones who didn’t get through think about me? What would be their mental state when they know the results? I know some of them very well. But I also know that it is all in the game. That is the way corporate life is.

For a moment, my memories took me back to my college days. The campus recruitments were going on in our college. It was the time of IT recession and companies were recruiting in very low numbers. When each company’s final result was announced, I saw faces breaking into ecstasy. But I also saw faces trying to recede from the scene. While appreciating someone on my side, I also knew that I should console someone on the other side. And, at the same time, there was me there at the center who had already got chucked out in the pre-process to the interview!

I still remember the day I gave my resignation to my Project Manager. He was a nice guy. That time he was in dire need of resources for his projects. I was given an onsite opportunity as well. But then I had to leave the company for my higher studies. One fine morning I decided to go to his cubicle and tell him that I was leaving the company. On the way I was thinking about how I would present this matter to him, but unfortunately I had no other options. I explained him the thing and he was silent for a while. Managers are always in trouble, I will also be in trouble.

While working, we used to blame our managers. We used to laugh at those funny forwards about managers. How they make us work, how strict they were. But after some months, I will be in their shoes. And I know things are just not going to be fine. But, this is the journey called life. It takes us to those places which are least expected by us and will also show us how things are on the other side. A side which we have always reviled.

Sunday, July 17, 2005


6:04pm, Sat, May 14 2005, Marine Drive
“My family is no more. The studies of my children are gone. Why did I go to the distant country and earn so much money? Why did I settle in a house in the city, far away from my siblings? It was all for my family. But my wife, I don’t know what happened to her. I don’t know what she did with that huge amount from our account. She is not saying a word about it. Matters worsened so rapidly that now we are staying in two floors of the same house, the house of our dreams, not talking to each other; as if we are strangers. With all these in mind, I am not able to spend time with my children, let alone talk.”

Sanjiv’s sorrows remained unheard in the sound of the boisterous ocean waves.

6:05pm, Sat, May 14 2005, City Central Park
“Ours was the happiest family around and others used to envy on us. Don’t know when things changed. What should I do when he returns home late night. What should I do when I hear others saying unbelievable things about him? I don’t have anyone to tell my worries. My children! I don’t know how much they are suffering due to this. Everyday I come home longing for consolation and I am not able to find it in my house.”

Tara’s tears were carried to somewhere unknown by the wind which went past her.

6:06pm, Sat, May 14 2005, Sagar Vihar creek side.
“I was the class monitor. I was a good performer in the class too. I appeared for the district level Mathematics Olympiad last year. But my studies went bad this year. And I was not promoted to the higher grade. I hate my house. I always wanted to get out from that place. My parents won’t fight with each other, but they don’t talk either. I know there is some problem going on in between them, but don’t know what it is. It’s been quiet some time that we all went for an outing or even for a film. Oh my God, when will these come to an end?”

The gentle breeze took away Abhijit’s feelings with it. He was twelve. He started hating his parents.

6:07pm, Sat, May 14 2005, terrace of the house.
“My parents don’t love me. How many times I wished they would get me at least a comic book. The only time that my mom talks to me is when she calls me for dinner. The only time that my dad talks to me is when he wakes me up in the morning for school. This year when my classmates will be studying in the next higher class, I will be continuing in my current class. The teachers are saying that I haven’t performed well in the last year. Now, Nisha won’t be talking with me anymore; neither will be Ram, Manu and Rahul. What will my juniors think about me? No one will be friends with me anymore.”

A few drops of tears fell from the eyes of Abhishek, the seven year old. But he didn’t cry. He had learned to control it long before.

6:08pm, Sat, May 14 2005, Dr. Patel's psychiatric clinic
“The divorce hearing is to be held at the family court on Monday, May 16, 2005. They say Indians are well known for family values. They are well known for their long-lasting family relationships. They understand each other better. Arranged marriages last longer. But... Now, I have to prepare for tomorrow’s case. I don't know what I should argue for? Sanjiv's win and Tara's defeat? Sanjiv's defeat and Tara's win? The children, what will happen to them in either case?”

Ravindra, the middle-aged lawyer was in a dilemma.

6:09pm, Sat, May 14 2005, outside the diagnosis room
“It is a severe case of Multiple Personality Disorder. Five alter egos in the same person. Kiran thinks himself to be Sanjiv, Tara, Abhijit, Abhishek and Ravindra. These are the five personalities that control him.”

“I talked with all the five alter egos of Kiran. Sanjiv is the father who doesn’t have the time to take care his son Kiran. Tara is the mother whose love he didn’t get. Abhijit is the repulsive child with in him who revolt against all these. Abhishek is the child existing in his mind who without complaining suffers everything. Ravindra is the only person who is concerned about him. He is the alter ego which has got control over all the others. They all think themselves to be in different locations now. Sanjiv at marine drive, Tara at city central park and so on. This is the first time I am dealing with such a complex case.”

Dr. Patel, the psychologist continued.

“But there must be some strong reason behind this mental disorder. Has Kiran got enough love from both of you during his childhood?”

Dr. Patel asked the lady and gentle man standing outside the diagnosis room. They were Kiran's parents. They were managers working for two multinational firms and were usually away on one company tour or the other.

Kiran's parents remained silent. In fact they were thinking about this for the first time ever...

PS: Inspired by the following.
Warning: Spoiler ahead.

/* Spoiler Start */
Tell me your dreams – Sidney Sheldon.
Manichitrathazhu – Malayalam flick by Fazil.
Identity – 2003 James Mangold flick
Me, Myself & Irene – 2000 Bobby & Peter Farrelly flick.
Anniyan – Tamil film. Immediate cause.

/* Spoiler End */

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

thE wheeL spinninG backwardS

These days I started sleeping even when I am sitting in my chair. Not because I don’t have any bed to sleep. But my late-night-sittings had increased considerably and during day time, the smallest of the opportunity drives me to a nap.

Naps bring day dreams! What a discovery. Phew! Naps are a part of life. Great men said life is a journey. A journey which starts from the unknown and which ends in unknown. It ends where it started.

Our life starts with our birth, continues with our childhood, teenage, youth, middle-age and old-age and finally ends with our death. What if the order of life is reversed? That is, if our life starts with death and one fine morning ends with our birth! Sounds amazing (awkward) eh? We made this idea into a skit for our departmental annual cultural festival during engineering days. Fortunately or unfortunately it was me who wrote its screenplay and directed the stuff which in due course had shown it’s after effect as well. We could've started rotten egg business that day itself ;-).

One fine morning, you open your eyes hearing the thumping sound of a plow. Yeah it comes from somewhere above. It’s all darkness around and suddenly your womb (coffin) opens for the sunlight. Someone pulls you out from it and there starts your journey of life.

Now, the first cry! Well here the choice is yours. You can either cry or keep quiet like a "cho chweet" grandpa ;-)

You are taken to your home in a decorated vehicle with people around singing some songs. They call it elegy, you can call it lullaby. In your earlier stages of life, you are allowed to play with some small souls (your grand children) who are enjoying their last moments of life (yeah they are about to die)

Seasons passed and you entered into your middle ages. Today is the happiest day in your life. Today is the day you are going to retire (join?) into an organization. Today is the day you are going to stand on your own feet. Today is the day in your life on which you start a journey of boredom and monotony which may last for about 30 long years to come.

You don't remember when exactly you saw her for the first time. Was she there at the graveyard (your place of birth) when you were born? But one thing is sure, she was there with you through out your life, making food for you and consoling you during your hard times. Today, in a ceremony called marriage you are going to say good bye to her. Now onwards you are going to be alone. Bit painful right? If you want you can cry a bit (In normal life, after marriage the female is taken away from her family but here the male is taken away from his family!)

Wow! Life at college is cool! Life has been full of fun once you were thrown out from the company you were working, by a process called recruitment and started your college life with your convocation. Bunking classes, going for movies, go-karting, everything become a way of your life.

It is been quiet some time that you are studying. You had your post graduation, graduation, class 12, class 10 and had even done your KG. Academically there is nothing else to do now. What next? May be some peaceful life; the so called childhood; the best days of your life; without any worries; eating chocolates; crying for whatever coming your way.

But why clouds started hovering above your head. The day is nearing. It is inevitable. God hasn’t given you the choice to stop this. You are taken to the hospital. You are wrapped in white cloth. You are not able to move. You are not strong enough to stop them. You badly wanted to stop this. And you started crying. You struggle for your life. Darkness filling around; and finally, it ended...

This sentence struck me when I heard it for the first time. It goes like this. "When you were born, everyone around you was smiling and you alone were crying. Live a life in such a way that when you die, everyone else would be crying and you alone would be (smiling)". But to be frank I don't want this to happen. I prefer no one to cry for me when I die. After all, this journey called life is just about enjoying its each and every moment right. Then, why crying?

The phone rang and my nap got spoiled. To hell with the phone, I thought.

PS: The idea of the reverse sequence of life was first told by some eminent personality. I don’t remember his name. But still I am acknowledging that unknown author.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

jithU = jithU + 1

It was almost midnight and I woke up hearing a loud noise. Some one was knocking on the door. From the sound, it was obvious that there was more than one person outside. I woke up in half sleep and opened the door. Flash lights went off and the gang outside caught me by my hands. They pulled me outside and I was taken towards the brick wall.

I wondered what they were going to do with me. Two of them continued to hold me and the rest moved backward. There was a burning candle on top of something, at a distance. I struggled to reach the candle. But the firm grip of the two stopped me and I couldn’t move atleast an inch ahead. Flash lights shoot off. I tried and tried, got tired and finally gave up.

The two of them receded and another four from the gang came towards me. Two of them hold my two hands and the other two hold my legs and pulled me up and then I found myself in the air, horizontal to the ground. Then only I realized that there was a sizeable crowd in front of me. Ten! Twenty! Thirty! Forty! Was there even more?

They were all shouting at me. I tried several times to release myself from the hands which hold me. But it all ended in vain.

“By the power of?” Some one from the gang yelled and someone else kicked my butt to red.

“Rekha!” I screamed all of a sudden. I didn’t know from where this word came to my mouth that time.

They took me a little further, towards the candle light. Flash lights show themselves again.

“By the power of?” I heard it once again. This time, it was a whack with a sneaker.

“Smitha!” This word followed the sound and I was moved a little further.

With every such question, a girl’s name came out from my mouth and I was moved more and more towards the candle. Whacks, kicks, slaps etc enriched my back.

When I was some what close to the candle, someone ordered me to blow off the candle. I tried but the candle was just outside my reach. After a lot of effort and when I was almost tired, some mercy soul pushed me ahead.

The clock had just passed 12 am. And finally, I made it! I blew off the candle!

“Happy birthday to you”
“Happy birthday to you”
“Happy birthday dear (Jithu)”
“Happy birthday to you”

The crowd was singing, rather saying, in one voice!

Then I realized that the entire ordeal I went through for about fifteen minutes was for my mistake of being born! But yeah, it was fun! :-)