Sunday, February 05, 2006

An Elegy

She is no more. But why should it hurt me so much? Well the main reason is that I am aware of the fact that I haven’t done justice to her at least once in her life. I didn’t give her a chance to be happy. She came to my house with a promise to live with me for ever, till eternity separates us. Initially I didn’t like her much because it wasn’t a relationship where in I knew her for a long time and then we got together which was what I wanted in a long term relationship. It was Nazim Khan, my music teacher, who introduced her to me. He said she was the perfect one I could get in the entire world. When I heard her singing, I was more than sure about what Nazim Khan said because I carried an interest in music especially towards vocals. I didn’t think twice. A few days later I brought her to my house without having a formal house entering ceremony.

Initially I found it difficult to understand her. Because it was my first time being with her or in fact anyone like her. I didn’t know anything about her. But then something from inside my heart was yelling out that I wanted her more than anything in my life. Later I started liking her and we spent the most of our free time together. Initially she was too shy to sing for me. When I came to know more about her and we became close, what I heard from her was the most beautiful sounds of music. I thought I have made the right choice in my life.

I left my job and we both came to the place where I joined for my higher studies. Well I have to agree that the first signs of incongruity started from there. It wasn’t my mistake either. I didn’t get much time to spend with her. Educational systems are made like that. Not allowing for anything beyond books making people nothing but bookworms. I knew that she kind of missed me but I tried my best to spend the maximum possible time with her. In fact I also missed her very much especially her pearly voice. But with time and the heftiness of the academics, our trysts decreased in frequency. And somewhere it stopped. She would’ve felt bad as I was the only one for her in this whole world. I knew this, but I was helpless. And now when she is not around, I feel the emptiness engraving my mind.

It happened on a midnight, two weeks back, while I was reading something on my computer. She was near my desk looking at what I was doing on my computer. She used to do that whenever I work late night; that is everyday. I had a glance at her. It seemed she got used to the dodging from me and I continued with what I was doing. I was surprised when I heard some crackling from the side. I couldn’t understand from where it was coming. Initially the noises where less frequent but it increased with time. Then I heard some sharp breaking sounds piercing through the air and my ears. Six in a row; one followed by another. It was the kind of sound when something which is under great tension breaks apart to relieve the strain. After that I heard a big cracking sound. Don’t know why, but what I felt was that somewhere someone’s heart had broken down into pieces. And then I saw her lying on the floor frozen, relieved from the entire trauma she had undergone.

It was difficult for me to believe that. But reality stared back at me. I lost her. I can’t listen to her beautiful voice any more. I feel alone.

My guitar is no more...


27 comments:

silverine said...

I think the Ahmedabad heat got to her LOL

And here I was thinking that Jithu had married and bought home a perfect stranger :)) Good one. I got carried away in the narrative and didn't realise it was your guitar :)

Divya said...

aaww...
:-)

Karthika said...

Hmmmmmm.... Kept me guessing... gud 1...:)

Geo said...

Oh no!!!

I miss holding her in my arms and fingering her.....(ofcourse strings)

Soldier soldier ;_)

ps: i still remember u disturbing our sleeps with your cacophony ;_))

>|' ; '| said...

get a new one!

and @ geo -
LOL!

Invincible said...

I knew it wasnt any GF. Was curious what is it this time :).
Nice sequel.

But what did really happen? it broke apart on its own ?

Jithu said...

> silverine
Ahmedabad heat as well as dust :-(

> divya
:p

> karthika
he he.. thnx!

> geo
in ur dreams u perverted hooligan!! she is my own!!

> poison
hv to. mabbe not now

> invincible
hmm.. things are turning too obvious these days huh? the base where the strings were tied came off :-(

Geo said...

Don’t tell me you don’t remember me entertaining you guys by playing "Soldier Soldier" and many other tunes on that goddamn guWitar of yours.... ;_))

aria said...

ohh .. sad .. my guitar is probably alive but its in a deep slumber somewhere in the middle of dust n dirt.
Made a good read nonetheless ..

rosefur said...

ur house is spooky...guitars breaking its own...my good god....

Thanu said...

Strange... A week ago I finally gave in bought a new guitar.... I guess the journey goes on...

Jithu said...

> geo
oh yeah yeah! ws it soldier soldier that u were playing? i thought that it ws some pre-historic african tribal song! if u'd've told us this, we wud've "appreciated" u then and there itself! btw wt were those "many other tunes" :p

> aria
hmmm.. guitars of the world, unite!! :-)

> rosefur
the small wooden plank near the sound hole on which the strings are tied, came off :-(

> thanu
take care.. (this is for the guitar :p)

venus said...

i was wondering, when did jithu had time for a girl with his studies!?! so i did foresee cominga twist to your story!

It ws getting too unbelievable for kind of your personality your blog projects!

Anoop MohanKumar said...

And the silence lingers.....

aowe.. my .. gaud...
don't know if it is a coincidence but I went through the same trauma yesterday, and was shocked to read your blog after that. Trust me I know how it feels.

Achus said...

Starting off, I thought it was a bird you were talking about. Then, I went on to think it was a radio or a tape recorder. I never considered guitars capable of making "crackling noises" :-P But nice.... kept me guessing.

MS said...

poor guitar...

MadV said...

Oh! I thought that it is about a girl. Written well. Paavam Guitar! Heart condolence :-(

Jithu said...

> venus
:-) hellow, studies wud b on one side if there really was a girl :p

> anoop
aw.. mai.. gaad..! for a sec i thought that Janice herself commented in my blog!

btw i just read that post or urs. man, whattay striking coincidence, though we lost two different things!

> achus
hmm.. thts great. so u'd gone thru a series of plot changes :-) regarding the sound, lemme say it again, the small wooden plank near the sound hole on which the strings are tied, came off :-(

> ms
yeah! me too.. :-(

> madv
hmm.. thnx :-(

W-Bix said...

lol @ Geo!

helo Jithu! dropping by for the first time... loved your blog, from the very beginning it reminded me of my old faithful radio-cassette... thought you were talking of the same.
Sorry to read about the guitare. Dont we hold on to them for the memories they once brought...

Ardra said...

hmmm....i kinda guessed you were talking abt a guitar-
still it was a nice read...

and read that post abt u'r idea of a perfect love...sweet and quite plausible too- My blessings are with you :-) may you find someone like the one in your dreams...
aashamsakaL
ardra

MC said...

nice one jithu. maybe you should give her a life again. go pick her up in your arms..embrace her. buy her new g strings..i mean guitar strings..play with her..sing with her. rekindle the love buddy!

Nidhee said...

Hi... as i am not a regualr at your blog.. i did not expect a turn as the others. I was moved..... very well written.

lost optimist..^!^ said...

pulled my heartstrings..very well written..sad!tht we dont get to spend as much time as we want with our loved ones..:)

Jithu said...

> wbix
hey u foa, welcome to my blog! definitely its these memories that make us sad abt something. so better keep away from then rt :-)

> ardra
uff!! hmm.. i failed :p thnx mam for the wishes :-)

> mind curry
she has gone damaged beyond repair :-( g-strings, hmmm.. :p

> nidhee
thnx yaar!

> lost optimist
thank you very much. thts so true, we dont get enuf time to spend with our loved ones. rather we will be separated before we even come to know abt them. :-((

Chirikudukka said...

Oh my ghosh u know what that almost made me cry and i was abt to write a sentimental comment then i saw all ur friends tellign that its ur guitar...arghhh man u got me...that was so creative of u...i never thought SHE was ur guitar..lol

Jithu said...

> ann
hmm. thnk u very much. well yeah she was my guitar in deed! :-)

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